God's Ways and Not my Own

Learning to put ALL of my trust in HIS hands.

Always be careful what you pray for because you may just get it. I was praying for a while, “God, help me trust you more.” Little did I know how much God really wanted me to learn that lesson, and I guess I never fully realized the depth of that prayer.

These last couples of months have been very difficult for me. My transition from Colegio Timoteo to Students International has not necessarily been the easiest.  There have been many challenges that I knew I would face such as needing to raise more support, and learning how to work for a new organization, and there have been challenges that I didn’t expect like learning again how to work with people from my own culture. It has been a lot of good challenges, but challenges nonetheless.  However, I feel that God has been using this challenging time so I can learn to put my COMPLETE trust in Him.

 In the matter of one week to the next I finished up my responsibilities at the school and started working immediately in the new ministry at Students International because the summer time is their busiest time. It was during this time I was trying to get my supporters transferred to my new organization. However, the problem was that again this is one of the busiest times for my new ministry and my papers were still being processed and the organization could not pay me until those papers were processed. So I began using an emergency fund that I had for myself for the summer. As the months went by, I had an unusual amount of expenses and cash flow that I had to pay for because of the transition; some coffee for support raising and another one of those being an unsuspected plane ticket to California for some SI Training.

I was looking at tickets and expecting to pay around $600 USD on a round-trip ticket out there. To my surprise, I found one for $290 USD. I made some contact with a friend I had met over the summer to see if I could stay with him for the night and was trying to coordinate with a friend and co-worker who also had to go out there. She had told me that she had possibly had a place for us to stay in Chicago overnight, and told me that she would have to get back to me to be sure. The weekend went by and I was anxiously waiting the response of my co-worker friend, but when Monday came around and she confirmed that we could stay with her friend, when I went to purchase the tickets, they were gone. I was so upset, and it was during this time that I realized that my Emergency Fund account had dropped down really low. I began to get even more upset and was asking God, why is this happening?! I began to question everything. I ended up putting it away and went on to rewriting some letters that I had to prepare for support raising.

As I was rereading some letters that I had written in the past, I came across one that I had written about 2 years ago, and it was about what God had been teaching me at the time, and how He was teaching me to put ALL of my trust in Him. It was then that I was really confronted and realized, “Wow, I guess I never fully learned that lesson.” I began repenting and asking God to forgive me for not trusting in Him with this. The very next day I thought, “Well, let me see how much tickets are for.” I couldn’t believe it; I found exactly two tickets (which were exactly what I needed) and for LESS than what the other tickets were that I thought was very good. I got with my co-worker and we bought the tickets immediately. I had just enough money in my account and I paid for both of the tickets. It was the week that I was supposed to leave to go back to Indiana, and I figured, “Well, I have about $300 - $500 stashed in the house, that will get me through, and get me to where I need to go in Ohio my first day back in the States, and back to Indiana.” Well, that evening before I was to leave for Indiana, I went to get my passport and that stash of money. When I went, I realized that it had been stolen. We had been robbed and ALL of that money was gone! I had absolutely NOTHING! I had a meeting with my roommates (knowing that is was none of them, but just so that we can take care of one another as a family). That was a very hard conversation to have with them, and I had to be very careful because that topic is a very hard one to have with someone. I discussed that I am not upset and I know that no one here did it, but it was just to look out for us as a family in our house, and so that they were careful too and aware of what had happened. That meeting went very late, but I was already packed (clothes, coffee, and all) and ready to go for the next morning. We went to bed really late, but I set my alarm like I normally do and went to bed. In the middle of the night, I woke up in a panic and I realized, “Wow!! I am leaving today for the States and I have absolutely NO MONEY!” I then realized at that moment, “Oh, what time is it?!”  I went to find my phone where I normally keep it on my window sill, and I found that it wasn’t there! I began frantically searching for it and I found it on the floor scattered in pieces. I had no idea what time it was and realized that my alarm wouldn’t have gone off because the battery was out of it. I frantically looked for my roommate’s phone and found out that it was an hour and a half PAST the time that I had to be at the airport in Santiago (which is about 45 minutes- 1 hour away).  I quickly put my phone back together and very quickly received several messages and missed calls from my boss who was going to take me. He had been waiting for me on the street but didn’t know which house was mine. He told me, “Jim, I am about 3 minutes away, let’s go for it!” I ran to the road with my luggage and threw it in the back of his little truck and we were off down the mountain. We arrive at the airport and literally they are closing down shop. I run to the front desk with suitcase and all yelling, “Wait! One More, One more!”  As I approach they told me, “Sorry sir, the system is down you lost your flight.” I asked them if there was another flight that I could get on and they told me, “Sorry sir, if you miss your flight you lose your flight.” I told them, “You, don’t understand, I have to be in Indiana tonight to be in Ohio the very next day to speak in a church, I have to get on this flight!” By the mercy of God, the woman checked the system again and she told me, “Ok sir, the system is still up, we can get you on but you are going to have to leave everything behind, you can only take what is in your book bag and what you have on, and we can’t guarantee that you will get on the plane.” So I left everything I had in the Dominican Republic and ran to catch my plane. I got through security and just got to the plane before they closed the door.

On the plane I met a young Dominican man, who come to find out is the catcher for the Cleveland Indians. We talked the entire 3 hours to Kennedy Airport in New York. When I finally made it to the airport, I was alone again, and I began to worry about what I was going to do. I literally broke down in a chair in the airport terminal and began praying to God for help. I didn’t know what else to do. I happened to put my hand into my pocket and to my surprise found $65 dollars in my pocket. Come to find out, I had $65, which I had totally forgotten about. That money was a payment that my coworker had made toward her plane ticket to California, and it just so happened to be in the pants pocket of the jeans I was wearing that day (so obviously those jeans were not clean...haha).  I was so shocked, and hungry. I hadn’t eaten anything at that point so I decided to buy a slice a pizza for lunch (and we all know how expensive food is in the airport…). I figured ok, I have about $55 left, which should be enough to fill my gas tank and get out to Ohio. I get home to Indiana and I realize I have absolutely NO CLOTHES to go speak in a small conservative church in Ohio. My parents were very generous and we got some clothes that I can wear in front of a church congregation.

The very next day I was off to Ohio to meet with a church out there that had been supporting me for the last 4 years. I was using my brother’s GPS to get out there and on the road while I am out in the middle of some random corn fields, the satellite signal goes out. I figured maybe it will come back so I kept diving and ended up lost in the middle of the corn fields in Indiana. I called my brother to see if he knew what to do, and even after resetting it I had no luck. Again I begin to question everything just because of all of the problems. I ended up driving to the next intersection and told my brother where I was at and he looked it up and came all the way out and met me to bring his girlfriend’s GPS.  That was such a blessing. I gave him a big hug and thank you and I was off to get to the church.

I finally arrive at the church and there was a church picnic. To be completely honest at that point in time I really didn’t want to see anybody. I had no time to process anything and I was not really in a place where I wanted to converse with people that I didn’t necessarily know very well. However, I was very surprised. I arrive and all of the sudden I have people coming up to me and saying, “JIM!!!  How are you?! We are so excited that you are here!” I would respond “I’m fine” but really that is not how I was truly feeling at that moment. It was crazy because then I was getting questions about different guys that I have been working with, by name, and they began asking me about them and telling me that they have been praying for them and myself. I began to hear things like, “Jim, you are one of my favorite missionaries, I love how much passion you have for what you do.”  During all of this I was literally thinking, “Who are these people, it is really weird that these people know so much about who I am and I know very little about who they are.”  I felt like a family member who had returned home, but the weird thing to me was that I really didn’t know anyone.  I had found the pastor and asked him if we could talk at some point in time. He said yes and that later he would find me. I wanted to tell him about the transition of ministries before I went up to speak in front of his church.  He later found me and we talked and I discussed the transition with him and he said that that was fine and that as a church they were still on board.  I then asked Pastor for a favor. I told him about the rough transition and everything that has happened to me coming up to that very moment.  I told him, “Pastor, I really need someone to pray with me, can you pray for me?”  That was, at that point the only place where I felt I could have refuge and I just needed prayer so much. He prayed for me, and in that time I received a peace.  When we got done praying, the pastor asked me, “Jim, what do you need?” and I was so confused. I said, “Huh?” He told me again, “Jim, what do you need? $500, $1000, $2G’s, $3G’s, what do you need?” At that point I was thinking, “Who are you? What are you saying? Are you crazy?”  I later told him, “You know I really haven’t had any time to process any of this, could I get back to you tomorrow?” He agreed, but he told me to give him an exact number. They ended up getting me a hotel to stay in so that I could just process everything. That was such a big need at the time because at that point I hadn’t had anytime to process. I spent some time in God’s presence and tried seeking out his guidance. When it got to figuring out what it was I needed, I remembered the budget that Students International had assigned me. I had to raise $2710 in one-time expenses and $2100 in monthly support. So I realized in that moment that the number I had to tell the pastor was $2710, but that was so much money and this is a very small conservative church, there is no way they have that kind of money to give.

The next day I go to the church and the other missionaries are setting up their tables that the church had set up for us with their beautiful displays with all of these things that they had brought back from their countries and pictures, etc. I had nothing; just a Dominican flag which I happened to have in the trunk of my car and some fund raising materials. I felt so bad because normally I would have the coffee that the people were so excited to buy. I am setting up my table and this woman comes to me and tells me, “I felt like God was telling me to give you this.” She hands me $20 and I was so grateful. I thanked her and she continued to service. Another woman then came up asking about the coffee with a $20 bill in her hand. I had explained to her that unfortunately the coffee didn’t make it. She began to walk away but then turned back and told me, “You know, it really isn’t about the coffee anyways, it is about the ministry, the coffee is a fun way to donate, but no that is not the point; with or without the coffee, here.”  She passed the $20 as a donation.  I was so shocked. Then the missions committee director came up to me, and he hands me an envelope (I assumed another $20) and he told me, “Jim, I heard you talking to pastor yesterday and I was really touched, so here is a personal donation from me and my family.” I was in so much awe. I told him thanks so much. Then the pastor came and he told me, “Ok Jim, you have the number for me.” I was very shy and kind of embarrassed to ask him the amount that I had figured so I handed him the budget sheet and explained that this was the budget that my new ministry had given me. I explained to him that I needed $2710 for one-time expenses which covered my travel and living expenses for while I was in the States. However I told him, I know that it’s a lot of money, but whatever you can do would be very much appreciated.” He took the paper, and then asked me, “We have a Deacons meeting on Tuesday; can you wait until Tuesday?” I then thought well, I have $20 + $20 and the envelope that I thought that is another $20 so I have $60 and that will fill my gas tank and get me home.  So I said, “Yeah, I should be able to get home, so Tuesday should be fine.” He then walked away. The Missions Committee Director then later came up and hands me a check for $150. He explained to me that this was not the money that the pastor and I were discussing but it is just an offering for being with them that morning. I was just in awe with all of their generosity. I then went to speak in the church and then I was taken to speak with the youth and the kids, and spent the morning speaking to the congregation about the ministry and what God has been doing.

 After service I went to the gas station to fill my tank for the long drive back home to Indiana. When I opened the envelope to be able to buy some gas, I was surprised to find $500 in cash in the envelope. I lost it. God was so good to me. My plan was, if I would have sold all of the coffee I may have made maybe $300 dollars for my transportation costs, and I came away from there (without any coffee) God gave me $690 dollars. I was so much in awe of His grace. When I finally got home I was able to spend some great time with the Lord in the Word. There was a verse that He really spoke to me through and that was in Isaiah 55:8-9 which says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ^‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” I was truly humbled in that moment. It was then that I realized that I had been putting my trust in my own strength. I immediately began asking Jesus for forgiveness. Tuesday later came around and I received a call from the pastor. He told me, “Jim, I am calling to tell you that we had a meeting with the Deacons, and I wanted to let you know that we are expressing $3000 dollars to your account today!” I was in shock. Again, I was overcome by God’s generosity and grace, and it was more than I had even asked. Looking Heinz sight, I realized that it was exactly what I needed. I am someone who tithes all of my income, so 10% of $3000 is $300 and $3000-$300= $2700 which was exactly what I needed. So again it was another confirmation that God’s ways are much higher than my own. I didn’t even know what I needed, but God did and He provided for that need. There was another verse that soon He used to minister to me and it comes from Jeremiah 29:11, “ For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” God has used this amazingly difficult experience to show me what it truly means to put all of my trust in Him, and He has shown me that He has much greater things planned for us then we can ever think or imagine.